I'm sure I'm not the only divorced mom out there that ended up divorced over computer pornography. It's been three years since I left my ex husband because I found he was heavily involved with homosexual pornography. We were married 7 years, and happy I thought, I never had the first clue that he had issues. I thought we had the perfect marriage and we had one son together.
To make a long story short, I confronted him and he denied he had a problem and he begged me to forgive him and said it was an accident. He started leaving materials lying around our home where our son could find them and I started making plans to leave. He refused to go get help and told me that I would never be anything without him. He was already on disability for ADHD and Epilepsy. Little did I know what he was using his disabilty money for. I never could account for it and later found he was using a credit card to pay for his multiple subscriptions and gradually withdrawing small, multiple amounts of money from the bank when his family would take him into town- and send in the payments. He went to great lengths to hide his problems. I started tracking his computer and found he was on some very disgusting sites, refused to look at them,the names said it all- there were too many to count. I found it interesting that after his rampages, he would visit our home church's website- like some sort of strange cleansing ritual? Anyway, I started questioning his intentions with our son after I found a picture of a small group of naked boys. He had left it on the printer.
So, I left and moved from North Florida back here to Lakeland, where we used to live and where my family and friends still reside. My son came forward and said he had been molesting him. My biggest fear. I was afraid of that and thought that by leaving him I had prevented it. I had no idea that it had already been an ongoing issue. After a few months, he was arrested and charged but the next year, one day before his trial- the state attorney called me and said they had let him plea out to a lesser charge. It took me months to even find out what that lesser charge was, she wouldn't talk to me. He ended up with a misdemeanor of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and all ge got for any of this was some mental health counseling, which he has since had expunged from his records so that no one can pull it up. I later found out that my son's rights were violated because he as deposed by the two lawyers without a victim advocate and the deposition was supposed to be videotaped and it wasn't. The state attorney never even asked me how I felt about the lesser charge. She didn't even tell me it was going to happen. We were all prepared that multiple people from my family, a preschool teacher, my son's psychologist and investigators were going to be subpoenaed to testify. The CPT video tape was also being used as evidence and my son was prepared to testify openly in court. They never gave us a chance.
My ex husband's questionable sites were never even investigated. Some of them have titles suggestive of possible underage pornography and that could have been a seperate charge. Not to mention that just before I left him he told me he was tortured as a child in ways I would never understand. I still think he, himself was molested by his own father because men don't molest because of an overnight decision. This had to be cultivated over years of torture and some other problems. The other reason is because my son recently came forward that my ex father in law was showering with him and rubbing my son's genitals in the shower with his bare hands, for extended periods of time. So, now I question the whole family. There is a current investigation going on relating to it.
I was so frustrated because during the whole judicial process, multiple people involved with the investigation stalled, lost evidence and one key investigator told me that his rape case was more important at the time. I later found out that in FL your child has to have some type of physical evidence of rape or forced entry/tears to have that person properly charged. So now a sexual offender is walking free and his family even helped him destroy the evidence on his computer.

Last week, while I was on vacation. He got a judge in that county to overturn my sole custody ordered in our divorce and he got equal custody and even got the judge to order his residence as my son's primary residence over the summer. He lives with his father, who is still under a current investigation, because he cannot care or provide for himself. He's never lived on his own and has always had someone caring and providing for him. He cannot even remember to take his medication three times per day. However, because I was not informed and on vacation, the judge declaired it was in the best interest of my son. My son is horrified and scared.
I recently retained a lawyer, but my funding is extremely limited ( I do not get child support). I just want parents out there to know that when something happens to your child, don't trust that things will be taken care of. You have to be proactive and learn the law for yourself because here in Florida, there's not much you can do to protect them.

Thanks for listening. Anyone have any advice on how to calm my nerves about all of this? I'm sick at my stomach because next weekend my son has to go back up there for overnight weekend visitation, and guess who's been listed as a supervisor? You guessed it, the paternal grandfather under current investigation. By the way, DCF said there's nothing they could do about it. So I hope my son will return to me safe. I have a friend that is dating a man who is a self defense instructor who is going to teach him how to defend himself just in case these monsters try and do something again.I guess all I can do right now is pray that God will intervene quickly.

protectivemom There are no words to tell you how upsetting this is to me. I can not imagine your thoughts on taking your son to your ex husband. I know what mine are!

I think an outcry should begin. Let us know what county this is in so concerned citizens can contact them.

I'm so sorry!

I really do feel for you. I pray that it all works out for your son. Is your attn. local? Who is it? What does he think? I am shocked and outraged by this judge in the panhandle. You need to get a copy of the transcripts from that hearing. Find out exactly what was said and that way you can be prepared. Let us know what we can do to help.

i'm really sorry to hear what your going thru. no family should have to go thru that. i wonder if sheriff grady judd would talk to you and your son about some things your son could to do protect himself untill you get full custody again. i know he is in the paper all the time with catching preditors. the only other thing i would tell my son since he has to see his father is if somthing is happening call 911 or run out of the house to a neibors house and call the police. don't let the father or grandfather know he is calling the police or they will try and talk him out of it.
the other thing i'm suprized is his therapist can't have this visit postponed or canceled. in new york if the therapist says it's hurting the child then visits are postponed or monitored.
i just can't believe that he has visitation. it boggles my mind to know that he is allowed to see his child that he hurt. please have your son see his therapist as soon as this weekend is over. my heart is with you.

I am happy that people are responding and reading my story. Pass my story on to whomever can help get these dumb laws changed. I have written multiple letters to congress, legislators, the governor, even the Whitehouse, yes. I have written so many letters of the past two years that I cannot even recall them all. The good news is this monster didn't even call him tonight. Tonight was supposed to be the first night he was going to be able to talk with him on the phone. My ex got a court order to speak with him every Tues and Thurs evening from 7-7:30! Well, he didn't call thank God. My son was crying begging me not to make him talk to him. He just kept saying how much he hated him. He has made it so clear that he wants nothing to do with this man. It breaks my heart so badly that no words will ever describe the pain and anger I have had to deal with. When a mother's children are violated in any way, it's the most fierce anger on the face of the planet. I actually thought that law enforcement and the legal system would have taken care of this by now, but no. THey let him go and now the paternal grandfather who also molested him is about to be arrested for the actions. I hope they do the right thing this time. Although the Wakulla County Sheriff's dept is dragging their feet again. The detective on this case spoke w/me briefly a few days ago and my dumb cell battery died and when I tried to call him back all I got was a recording that his voice mail is full. I've been trying to reach someone for three days. When they were handling my ex husband's case I had to call almost every day to find out what they were doing about it. They told me that they had a rape case that was more important at the time. Oh yes, I'm taking down names and big time law suits are going to be filed when this is all over with. Every case worker and detective from here to there will be subpoenaed to court. I beg of you as a community to do your part and write congress, lawmakers, Adam Putnam, Charlie Christ, and anyone else who will listen and take a stand to change the laws. Florida has laws that protect government and state officials from being sued and they cannot be held liable for their actions most of the time. Children do not have a say so even when they are scared.

Stand up and be accountable!!

A new update. I still have the index data files off of the computer he had in Crawfordville, where we lived. There are several pages of pornography websites and some of them may be child pornography. It lists his name, the date and times he visited. I even have copies of the confirmations he printed from his email for the subscriptions he bought. I had submitted this information more than once to the local Sheriff's Department there and nothing was done about it.

Does anyone know or have access to a private investigator that can help look into this? He was never charged with child pornography.

hi protective mom, i was wondering how your doing and how your son is doing. i hope things are better. i was just thinking about your situation today hoping all is well.

Have you written a letter to the judge in the panhandle? I think I would and ask for a date that you can go in front of him and present all your information. Then maybe the judge will withdraw his decision.
Just a thought.