With Shawns encouragement I have decided to share the story of our recent pregnancy and stillbirth of our daughter Victoria Lynn. I dont want to scare anyone but just make you aware of what happened to me, and who knows it may help someone in the future.
I have a healthy happy two year old named Lillian and she is helping me get through all this and gives me the hope and reassurance that none of my actions (like working, lifting, not always taking my vitamins, etc...) had anything to do with Victorias death. All these things sound small but in a time of loss I was looking to blame someone or find a reason so I thought of all the things I could have done wrong. I know that I did all the same things when I was pregnant with her and she is perfectly fine.
I noticed something felt odd on Monday the tenth (I was just over 33 weeks) and realized that I hadn't felt much movement over the last twentyfour hours. I did the test for kick counts and the doctor reccomended that I come in so they could check everything out. I went in and strong heartbeat was detected and movements could be heard over the doppler. I wasn't feeling the moving though the nurse did point it out so I thought I just wasn't sensitive to the movements. I felt confident that everything was ok and turned down her offer for an NST (non stress test). I want to say that if there was any fetal distress going on an NST would be able to detect it, so having had one may or may not have done any good. I didn't feel much more movement over the next few days. I remembered that Lillie didn't move much toward the end and figured that was what was going on this time. I guess I thought that I would deliver early and I was okay with that, I figured we could handle whatever came our way. Friday the 15th was my regular appt. I was exactly 34 weeks and went to my appointment alone while my husband stayed home with our daughter. The doctor placed the dopler on me to find her heartbeat and was unable to locate it. He moved me to another room while they got the ultrasound room ready for me. I got worried and called my mom to come be with me and had her call my husband, he couldn't come up because I had the carseat and my mom was much closer and could be there quickly.
As I had feared our sweet baby was gone, the ultrasound technician could not see the cause of her death. The doctor said that he could also not see what had caused it and we would know more after delivery. So I went home for a few hours to cry with my family and pack for the hospital. My husband and I went to the hospital and everything happened quickly and smoothly after that.
Our families waited in the waitng room with all the other excited families who had know idea why they were all crying. I had a c-section because I had had a prior section and therefore could not be induced to deliver vaginally because pitocin can cause prior incisions to tear. The surgery went very well considering the circumstances and I was very calm.
We learned at that time that the baby was a girl and that her death was caused by her umbilical cord being wrapped twice around her neck. Many babies are born with this and the doctors can unwrap it and they are fine. But some babies get into an odd position or have a shorter cord and it gets pulled to tight resulting in death.
The doctor could tell by her condition that her death was recent. I found some comfort in knowing that and NST probably would have not shown anything on monday. I also know that the ultrasound did not show the reason so neither one of those tests would have helped me. I do still feel guilty sometimes for not getting more tests done even though the doctors have assured me it would have done no good.
Victoria Lynn was 17 inches long and weighed 3 pounds 10 ounces. A wonderful photographer from the organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, which is a free service provided to families that lose a child during pregnancy or shortly after birth, came out to the hospital and took photos of Victoria and my whole family with her. I cherish those photos now and have a positive memory to look back on of my whole family sharing in this time with us.
We chose to have her cremated and plan to scatter her ashes in different places that are meaningful to us at home and when we travel. I also have a heart shaped pendant, and my husband has a bracelet that holds some of her cremains and we wear them everyday. We had a funeral service at our church and a luncheon afterwards. The support and prayers we have recieved have been amazing. I have returned to work and though life is back to normal I am forever changed and touched by this little life that I had the honor to be a part of for a very short time.
I plan to start a foundation in Victorias honor to help support other women and families that find themselves suffering this loss. I hope that my experiences can help to make a difference in someone elses life. And I hope that sharing my story will help someone who reads it. Trust your insticts and if you feel somthing isn't right go to the doctor, get all the tests and if you have to go back the next day and the next if need be. This is a human life in the balance and nobody should make you feel like your feelings about what is going on in your body are wrong. I am happy to answer any questions you may have so please feel free to ask.

Katie, I am so proud to have the privilege of meeting you. You are a courageous, strong, and beautiful woman! Thank you for sharing this story with me and all these other moms. By doing this, you could be saving a life.

Moms, this does tragically happen. If you are concerned while pregnant, do what Katie said, go to your doctor and voice your worries. If you don’t feel you are getting support, print out Katie's story and show and tell them this happens and you know it.

I think that is what is so special about Katie's personal account. I have heard of this happening here and there, but never knew someone this happened to. It was almost like an urban legend that this could happen. Meeting Katie and actually seeing a picture of beautiful Victoria made this all to real.

Katie, again, thank you for your experience and account. I am so sorry this happened to your family.

Hi Katie. Thanks for sharing the story of your sweet baby girl. I'm very sorry to hear of her passing. Gentle ((hugs)) to you and your family.