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Haha, Mimib! I thought the same thing, that the majority of the posters had girls. I have a son who is about to turn 2 next month and I swear it's like someone turned on the "Terrible Two" switch.

I've been trying to do the "ignore" thing. Now, I just put Seth in his room and let him cry/work it out bit. This seems the best strategy for us (me and hubby) so far since he gets over his meltdown alot quicker.

Odd thing is, he doesn't have these moments quite as often with Daddy as he does with me.

My daughter is 18 months..what has worked for us is putting her in her play pen or crib when she acts up..by this I mean she will yell at the dog or throw herself down when she wants something she can't have. It has worked very well so far. This also works if you want to teach them to wear sun glasses or a hat, if you put the hat on them and they take it off, put them in the play pen immediatley..they will get the message to keep it on soon enough! This was advice from her doctor and has worked wonderfully!

Tantrums can be a very challenging aspect of parenting. I tore my hair out many a day with my daughter - in her case, turning three has brought tantrums with attitude thrown in for a little extra 'je ne sais quois' lol!

I can tell you that as your child gets older and learns to use words to articulate their feelings it does get better. As does their capacity to understand you and what you and other people can reasonably expect from them.

When my daughter was a tiny baby, Dr Harvey Karp's book 'Happiest Baby on the Block' was a great resource for us - full of common sense advice. His follow on book 'Happiest Toddler on the block' was also useful, although this time I watched the DVD version (who has time to read books with a screaming toddler around? )

Harvey Karps recommendations are that you acknowledge what the child is feeling 'you're mad at mommy because she won't let you out of the shopping cart' - 'you're angry at mommy because she won't let you have a cookie before dinner' etc - he further suggests that you emulate their expressions and behaviours - whine at them, imitate the body movements etc - for us these approaches worked well at home - our daughter would just look at us as if to say 'huh?' - 'wow, she gets it' - however I have to say tantrums in public were harder to deal with as I felt too self conscious to go into full blown toddler tantrum mode in order to emulate her behaviour lol - so in those cases if she had a major meltdown we just left wherever we were so she could calm down.

It's not easy - and I think it takes a certain amount of trial and error to figure out what works.

Here's the link to Dr Karp's site if you're interested in reading more:

http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/story.html

I am just so glad to not be alone on this. My son will be 3 in July and he has been in the "terrible 2's" Since right before turning 2. I would finally solve one problem and then he would start another. He is so independent and lately cannot seem to control his anger. I feel like I have tried everything. So now I tell him in a very calm voice that yelling hurts Mommy's feelings but that it is ok to be angry. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't, but I am consistent with everything that I try so hopefully I will see some improvement soon. Good luck with yours

Have you tried timeout? When our lil one starts to throw a tantrum we put her in timeout and have our backs to her while shes in it and her mood changes in 30 seconds. She goes from having a "meltdown" to why aren't you paying attention to me. Then she will come out and say Mommy im okay now. I ask are you sure do you need another minute? and she says no mommy im okay now. It's all about the attention of having the meltdown. Because you know when they are carrying on like that your nerves just want her to stop. So hang in there and don't give in because know they know that tantrum and drama = m&ms after. It'll be hard because you just want her to stop but after a few stern timeouts it does wonders. It's a minute for each year old. My daughters 2 so she gets 2 minutes, but usually she doesn't stay there that long. After she realizes she's not getting the center of attention with her tantrum she cools it in no joke like 30 seconds. Try it and let me know how it works. stacybugg@hotmail.com Good Luck and Hang in There!

I do time outs when Sean does something inappropriate, like hitting his brother, but his yelling is not like the usual tantrum where the child starts crying or screaming, banging things etc. He yells out of anger and throws. Such as if I ask him to put his clothes in the hamper he might yell at me "NO MOMMY" and throw the clothes. How do I get him to understand that if he is angry at me asking him to do something it is ok, because this is a normal emotion but that yelling, and throwing things are not the correct way to deal with the anger. He is almost 3 and I am at a lost. I truly believe at this point he is having true anger management problems and I do not know how to teach him to deal with his anger. I looked up info. online and most everything says that at his age it is best to in a calm voice let him know that it is ok to be angry but you do not yell or throw, and I added so lets count to 5 slowly and I count with him. It helps sometimes also when I tell him he is hurting my feelings and ask him if he wants to hurt mommy and he almost immediately calms down and says no mommy I'm sorry and kisses my arm or something.

But like I said sometimes it works other times it doesn't.

Does anyone think if I say the above in a calm voice and put him in a timeout explaining the whole that he is going in a timeout for yelling or throwing at mommy but it is ok to be angry you just need to count to five and calm down first? How do I do this? Will he eventually understand?

I spoke to my husband about this who is no help on the subject. It gets so bad sometimes I wonder if he might need to be observed by a doctor so I can get some advice on how to deal with it. I do not want to go this route but I also do not want him to have trouble all his life with anger. Uggggggh!!!!

Any advice would be appreciated - Thanks Ladies

it doesn't hurt to try the time out thing. and explain that it's not nice to yell at mommy!!! and throw things. when my daughter doesn't want to pick something up i take her hand and maker her do it. but she doesn't yell. just today she got made and nocked a bowl of teddy grams out of my hands i just picked her up and put her in the time out chair for 2 mins. when she got up she said she was sorry.

Back when I raised my own, now grown, there was no "time out." I'm thankful for whoever thought that up, however. It works relatively well now with Hayden. He's no longer throwing things at us, and seldom screams at us now. He seems to know when he has pushed all my buttons though! He now comes over to me with hugs & kisses & a cutsie smile! Now, if I could only make "Poppi" understand how to discipline!!

wow, the terrible 2's is a crazy subject...its hard to nail down a solution because there are so many reasons for these little ones to be 'terrible'. but first of all imagine things from the child's point of view: at 2 years old theyre are still learning how to put their words together with their emotions. and that, my friends is a difficult thing to do sometimes, even for us big people! so imagine being 2 and not being able to describe your frustrations, feelings, etc. so to resolve temper issues w/ your 2 year old, ive found that getting on their level, and quietly trying to get them to explain the reason theyre upset distracts them away from the issue, which gives them a chance to calm down. sometimes you may need to help them find the right words, but that will teach them to attach the right words to the right emotion. ive rarely used time out w/ my nieces/nephews. theyre little people and they want their feelings to be validated. they want someone to say 'i know youre (insert emotion), tell me why you feel that way'. it gives them a great sense of self when a big person gets down on their level and tells them its okay to feel how they feel, and wants to help them. they also need to learn appropriate ways to deal with things that upset them. i always say that the best way to lead is by example. but if all else fails, a designated place for them to cool off and chill out is a good idea. but have a separate place for timeouts. my nephew had a 'quiet corner' that had books, coloring books, crayons/markers, pillows, etc. for when he became overly frustrated. and kendall, i mean NO disrespect, but i dont agree with punishment for the child not wanting to wear sunglasses and a hat. kids are so much smarter than theyre given credit for sometimes. maybe if you say ,the reason id like you to wear your hat and glasses is because the sun very bright and we want to protect your soft skin and pretty eyes'. and have her/him wear them inside for a few minutes, building that time up, until theyre accustomed to wearing them. and show her that you have yours on for the same reasons...wow, sorry if im boring anyone, im at work and bored. but im also long winded! i just hope my input helps...even if its just a little. i guess it really does take a village to raise a child! good day ladies!!

I absolutely agree it takes a "village to raise a child" I do not try to get on Sean's level when I explain about anger nor do I try to understand exactly why he is doing what he is doing. Good advice and I will try this as it may work because he is very very independent. I like the idea of a quiet spot when feeling frustrated - not just a time out spot but a place that they can learn to go when they start to feel bad. And Sean loves to draw and sometimes I do not always know but maybe he is just tired so a pillow sounds nice as well. I am going to try these approaches and see how it works.

Nancy T, its been a couple weeks since you posted that you were going to try some new approaches when dealing with your son, and i was wondering how that was going...?

I have a little boy in my class at preschool who has an Autism Spectrum Disorder. He is a frequent thrower of toys and tantrums. (I teach K2/Twos at a preschool).

Anyhow, his therapist suggested this and I thought I'd share. It *worked* wonderfully!

Every time he throws something, he *must* pick it up himself. As you walk him over to pick it up, you communicate what would have been the more appropriate action. Ex: "Andrew, I see that you were frustrated with that puzzle and threw the piece across the room. Let's pick it up." Then, while picking it up say, "Next time, just ask [teacher, mommy, etc] for help." Then, sit down and show him how to ask for help when frustrated.

With tantrums, I tell my two year olds, "It's ok to be sad/mad/frustrated. But we don't want to see you on the floor screaming and kicking your feet. If you want to do that, you need to go over here." (Then pick him up - even if he's kicking and screaming - and put him in a place where no one can see him having his fit. This place should NOT be his room, though, because that will eventually backfire.)The point of the tantrum is an audience. If he doesn't get one he will stop. When he does stop, though, be sure to praise him for his good choice.

Good luck. I happen to LOVE two year olds. It's those darn 3's that frustrate me. Oh, the drama! LOL!

Bizeemomma,
I love hearing your advice. You should start a thread on Potty training, terrible2's, and what to teach a 2 yr old to get ready for preschool.
PLEASE!!!! You have all the inside info we are looking for! haha

quote:

Originally posted by mimib:
Bizeemomma,
I love hearing your advice. You should start a thread on Potty training, terrible2's, and what to teach a 2 yr old to get ready for preschool.
PLEASE!!!! You have all the inside info we are looking for! haha

Aww, you are so sweet. It's just my job to care for 2yr olds... I've been doing it off and on since graduating high school. I love what I do, and try to keep up on trends and new ideas to make my two year olds grow and prosper.

Bizeemomma,
Whoa...did you say 3 year olds are frustrating? Just go ahead and give me the bad news now. Is my 2 1/2 year old going to get worse?
Lord help me. Calgon take me away!!!!!! lol