PolkMoms.com

The article, Parents Ask Toy Makers For Relief obviously discusses a parental movement aimed towards toy companies to tone down their children's marketing.

The advocating parents feel they shouldn't have to explain to their children their financial inability to buy them what they want. Also, their children will feel a stronger let down when they have a strong urge of wanting something and not receiving it.

Do you think this parental group has a good idea?

Do any of you feel your children are bombarded with ads at Christmas time leaving you bombarded with excited shrieks of, "I want that!"

Here is a quote from the article that really opens another can of worms;

"Parents have trouble saying no," said Allison Pugh, a University of Virginia sociology professor. She says parents often buy toys to avoid guilt and ensure their children feel in sync with school classmates."

Do you find this to be true? Do your children come to you with the claims, "Everyone else has one" ?

Tell us your spending habits on your children.

my 3 yr old wants everything. she sees a commercial and says mommy i want that. i tell her to tell santa. so she looks up and says santa i want that. then she says ok. mommy santa said ok!!!

lol. i don't think she's getting anything that she sees commercials for.

I read that in the paper yesterday and it ticked me off!

The article, and the parents contacting the marketers, make it seem like parents, and their kids are 'victims' here and they have no control over what their kids see and ask for.

This bit particularly rubbed me the wrong way:

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"Parents have trouble saying no," said Allison Pugh, a University of Virginia sociology professor. She says parents often buy toys to avoid guilt and ensure their children feel in sync with school classmates."

This drives me NUTS! And, it reminds me of a phrase I've often heard - 'the best way to make things tough on your kids is to be soft on them' or words to that effect.

As a marketer - I'm acutely aware that companies know this parent/child dynamic, and of course are out to exploit it - they are in business to turn a profit.

However, I have two main problems with these parents and their communications with the toy makers:

First of all - my kids do watch TV - but they rarely, and I mean very rarely watch Disney or Nickelodeon - precisely because I don't want them seeing the commercials. They watch PBS, Sprout or Noggin.

Why aren't these parents exercising some level of control first of all over their kids' exposure to the commercials? Switch the TV off! Play games as a family - get outside and have fun!

Secondly - why parents can't say no is beyond me. We grew up in a very loving caring home. We did not get the latest toys/sneakers/gadgets - but I believe our parents instilled in us a tremendous sense of self - that we didn't succumb to peer pressures and I can hand on heart say - that while I may at times have been envious of something someone had (as is normal when you are younger) I never once felt my parents let me down or that it was their fault for denying me those material things. I never resented my parents for saying 'no'. I understood why - which was usually that we couldn't afford them - however since we were raised without this fixation on material things - I guess this is why we were able to shrug it off.

There is a wonderful teaching opportunity in all of this as parents. I believe it needs to start young though. My four year old I think is starting to grasp that she is so much more fortunate than some kids - and at the other end of the spectrum, she understands that this is not a house that will give in and buy everything that she sees, or sets her sights on.

I firmly believe it's an important lesson that parents have to step up and teach their kids - that 'stuff' doesn't just come because you want it or ask for it. We can start to engender in kids the desire to save for something themselves, work towards them etc - without being a scrooge of course - but I think you get my drift.

I am a firm believer in giving kids what they need, and a little of what they want. We all need things to wish for, and want. It keeps us ambitious and gives us things to look forward to.
The boys are often without things many of their friends have, for instance, only my oldest has a cell phone. Even if I had a meeeeelllion dollars, I would still say no often.

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meeeeelllion dollars

Okay, I just thought,Dr. Evil, from Austin Powers-lol

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The article, Parents Ask Toy Makers For Relief obviously discusses a parental movement aimed towards toy companies to tone down their children's marketing.

Hmmm...people, parents can always ask, but I daresay the toy companies are equally capable of ignoring the request, after all, they're in the business to make money. And I doubt seriously they're going to curtail much that enables that end.

Personally, when it comes to my kids, within reason, I want them to have what they want for Christmas, and their birthdays for that matter. My kids know they can't have what they want year~round, but there are those special times I want to see their eyes light up because they received a gift they wanted.

Growing up, after my parents divorced, me and my sisters had many a Christmas where we were lucky to eat a special dinner. If we were lucky enough to be able to afford a present each, it was something indeed. I remember one year in particular, we were barely barely making it, again, lucky enough to afford the rent and such, well, my school was having a fundraiser raffle and so I went door to door to the surrounding neigbors selling the raffle tickets. The prize being a small tv set. Well, this kindly old gentleman neighbor, he bought a ticket, but sweet as could be, he turned around and gave it to me, the ragamuffin at his door, for Christmas. It turned out to be our Christmas miracle that year. That ticket won & me and my sisters were able to watch all the Christmas cartoons we wouldn't have been able to, not having a tv at the time. That little old man was our Christmas angel. He might not have guessed it, but that was our Christmas gift that year.

Anyway, I love seeing my kids eye's light up when they open their gifts. We may not be wealthy by any means, we budget and watch our money, but I know I still get little luxuries here and there for myself, whether it's a purse (or should I say piece of luggage, lol, that fits my budget & makes my butt look smaller by comparison or perhaps on specially occasion it's that perfect piece of jewelry for me (usually inexpensive but almost always with a crystal or lovely stone). And my hubba, his taste runs to musical stuff on the whole, although, he's better able to trade stuff around and come out ahead, he's an expert, lol. Anyway, I don't feel bad at all doing a nice thing for myself occasionally, and I especially don't feel bad gifting my kids when occasion calls for it. They know they don't get everything they want, just like we don't. They've grown up seeing us budget things too, I have always been a thrifty B, but it gives me a wonderful feeling knowing their lives are not marked with the poverty of my youth, and it also gives me pure pleasure being able to do things for them I always wanted to be able to do for my younger sisters growing up. What always bothered me most, since I was the oldest of my sisters, was the worrying for them, knowing they were doing without. But most of those years I couldn't do much beyond help a little here or there. Although, once I was able to work a real job, and I could help, I did, in fact, my paychecks always went towards helping us survive.

And I will never ever feel bad about indulging my kids or myself on the few occasions we do. Although, I have always believed moderation and balance are the key with everything. But I know I will not ever feel bad about letting my middle daughter watch too much tv, according to some who said as much in earlier years. For one, during her most severe early years of autism, (and she was deemed severe those early years) tv would, on occasion, allow our family a little peace, as well as serving to placate my daughter for a short period, she who could not otherwise calm herself or be calmed. Rules go out the window when you're dealing with special needs or handicapped children, & I didn't care then if anyone tried to tell us different, and I don't care now.(But "shore" is amazing seeing how pseudo experts never wore my shoes, but knew more than I did about how I~we should be raising her.) Amazingly, or perhaps not, my daughter has surpassed all expectations, way above what even the real experts and psychologists said we could begin to hope for back then.

Anyway, I believe love, dedication, and a parent's intuition are the most important things, and after that, what gifts I give my chitlins from time to time, that's merely one more extension of our love, gifts are never not the main thing by any stretch, but certainly one of the fun parts. After all, parents have to spend quite a bit of time on discipline, structure, and the like.

And frankly, commercialism, while it certainly can be obnoxious at times, well, we're all prey to it. How many of you ladies haven't gotten makeup, purses, clothing, and so forth due to the influence of it one way or another? Are kids not allowed to dream a little too? I can remember a time myself, when dreaming was the next best thing to actually having presents under the tree.

Just my thoughts, take 'em or leave 'em, I do know everybody's different, every situation's different too, God bless.

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Shawn Arnold
Posted 01 December 2008 01:24 PM Hide Post
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meeeeelllion dollars


Okay, I just thought,Dr. Evil, from Austin Powers-lol
~Mother to Brandon, Austin, Ethan, Ryan and Lillian~

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Same vision here, pinkie in air and all. Gosh, but those are some funny movies.

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And frankly, commercialism, while it certainly can be obnoxious at times, well, we're all prey to it. How many of you ladies haven't gotten makeup, purses, clothing, and so forth due to the influence of it one way or another? Are kids not allowed to dream a little too? I can remember a time myself, when dreaming was the next best thing to actually having presents under the tree.

You said it momma!!! What a wonderful insight. Thanks for posting. Another thing, I'm so glad that you share your growing up stories with all of us. What a lovely lady you grew up to be.

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Originally posted by SavingT:

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And frankly, commercialism, while it certainly can be obnoxious at times, well, we're all prey to it. How many of you ladies haven't gotten makeup, purses, clothing, and so forth due to the influence of it one way or another? Are kids not allowed to dream a little too? I can remember a time myself, when dreaming was the next best thing to actually having presents under the tree.

You said it momma!!! What a wonderful insight. Thanks for posting. Another thing, I'm so glad that you share your growing up stories with all of us. What a lovely lady you grew up to be.

Yes it's great for them to dream - and it is wonderful for us as parents to see the magic in the kids' eyes at Christmas and Birthdays - I'm not taking anything away from that, at all - but the article commenting on parents requesting that marketing stop, or at least that it be pulled back because they can't say no to kids when they are influenced by the ads? It makes me ask the very question that Michelle did - who's the parent anyway?

I think the scenario you're painting Rachel is very different to that which Michelle and I were commenting on as our understanding of the premise of the article. In my view - some parents seem to have problems stepping up to the plate and actually parenting. Saying 'no' is part of that - if you can't afford everything that commercials bombard and that your kids invariably want - then talk about it and explain it to your kids - don't whine to a business undertaking a legitimate business practice and say it's not fair for them to market to kids because the parents can't afford it?! It's the same mentality that has Fast Food and Junk Food advertising being blamed for young childhood obesity - someone is driving those kids through the drive thru, and buying the junk in the first place!

My argument here is not that we shouldn't indulge kids from time to time - what a miserable bunch we'd be if we didn't treat them? And I agree - it's an extension of our love for them - to a point. I think the mistake that some parents make, and in turn their kids learn to interpret it as such, is more and better 'stuff' equals more love.

Maybe I'm cynical about the marketing process since I was part of it for so long when I worked - and perhaps that makes me less open to its influence, I don't know - I just think campaigning a business to stop promoting it's products because they don't think it's fair that they should have to explain to their kids why they can't have it is a bit lame.

Albee ~

With all due respect kind lady ~
I was not commenting to your post, or comparing to yours. I merely wanted to give my personal experience and slant to the questions raised by the thread. As with your experiences and gleaned wisdom, which I could not know otherwise, my experiences could not possibly be known to you. Naturally most caring, semi~wise parents try to teach their kids not to be greedy or spoiled, it's generally to the parent's own hazard if they do not. I stated that moderation and balance are important, but that I don't find it necessary to apogize for feeling or being generous with mine at turns either. It is a delicate balance; however, teaching kids the world doesn't owe them, but still delighting in fulfilling their whims as a parent, ie., giving presents from time to time, especially at Christmas, or birthdays, is not I think excessive. Luckily, none of my kids have ever been especially concerned with name brands overall, in that, I know I have been fairly fortunate, perhaps some parents do have more of an issue there. There are many different angles, reasons parents as individuals might view commercialism and marketing ploys differently and that's why I also stated, "everybody's different, every situation's different too, God bless." I don't deem to know how other parents should handle their children in every given situation, I just make no apologies for doing what I do with mine, knowing I'm at peace with my discipleship of my children, as it were, despite the fact that I've faced undue criticism through the years, and again, of which you would not know, I understand that. Either way, I've stood up to my critics many times, and have just as often stood up for others too, whether regarding a religious beliefs, a general choice that should be theirs to make, or just their general choices as parents, which given a parents of sound mind & goodly disposition to their children, that should be fairly sacrosanct. I don't know one parent who knows the perfect choice for every other parent.
But let me say Albee, and I've read enough of your thoughts to say this, I would guess any child of yours to be a fortunate recipient of many good things from you, including the benefit of your wisdom as a parent. I intuit you're very sound in your reasoning and hardly beset with uppity, enviousness or overly judgmental from what I do know of you. And I could hardly judge you for being as opinionated as I know I can be, now could I? And I may not long to see squabbles of the kind that the other forum is often notable for; however, it would be boring if everyone was of the same exact mindset on all subjects here, quite intolerable actually. So, unless I address you, don't take anything personally. Trust moi, you'll know if I do actually take unction at some junction, lol.

Saving T ~ Thanks lady, I have had some interesting, at times, rough times, still, there were many good things came out of even those. Now,I, like most moms on here just struggle daily to do my best. I've made more than a few mistakes over time, not purposeful but still, as every mom will do, I would never pretend I haven't. But I will say, those who have criticized me were usually wrong as to what, where, or just how I made mistakes, and wrong in their method of expressing such too, and their time would be better spent analyzing their own lives and realizing it's not possible to be perfect, not even when one does their absolute best as a parent or as a person. I've long known, we each have our blessings and burdens. I know so many who have had far worse childhoods than I did, others who've fared better, but the fact remains, everyone does have their own blessings and burdens to bear. I've learned from my difficulties as much if not more than from my good times. (That's what great about sharing our stories here too, I've also learned a great deal from others, so, as a mom who's been at it for over 18 years now, I truly hope others can take away something from my experiences, even if I'm still learning, no kid's the same, lol.) I do think we're all individually, uniquely suited to what we're given to do in life though, and the children we're given to raise. I look at some others I've known or stories I've heard, and I couldn't imagine how they have managed dealing half as well with their lives, problems, & kids. I also know many others couldn't have dealt half so well with mine either. I long ago came to the conclusion that it's foolish to envy anyone else's blessings for that matter because you can't have the good without the bad, and everyone gets a measure of both. Even if we look at someone and on the surface what we see looks desirable, serene, or untroubled, somewhere I guarantee, they've had or have their burdens we wouldn't wish for if we knew of them. But too often people don't look deep enough, or they'd realize this truth and envy would be stricken from the hearts of men and women everywhere.

And I hope others don't needlessly perceive criticism from me when I opine or speak of what I do or believe with parenting, I admit it, I'm a strong~headed woman with strong beliefs, but I don't believe my ideas should supercede anyone else's just because I express them. I don't honestly think parenting is all that comparative really, given situations can differ so wildly. Nor is parenting a competitive sport to see who does it best. I feel we can all learn from each other, take a little here, a little there. In truth, we are each individual, and give birth to unique individuals for that matter, but what works for you might not work for me, or vice versa. There are almost always other views that hold validity, not always of course, as some truths are basically incontrovertible, but usually there is more than one way of understanding an issue. And in the end, goodness or rightness on any level is not attained only by what one says anyway, but rather by what one does. And at the end of the day, in our homes, or off the forums, we each have only our own consciences to consider, our own kids to raise, & our own husbands (or significant other) to impress.

But back to the topic, sort of, and speaking of toys again, I've decided I want Santa for Christmas again this year. Cookies usually work, lol.

Rachel -

I do think I got the general feel of where you were coming from - and admire you immensely - I only sought to clarify my own position, as it related to the article to which Shawn linked - lest my motive for posting be misunderstood.

I didn't want anyone to think that by criticizing the parents in the article, that by that measure I was criticizing any parent who indulged their child from time to time - far from it

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Originally posted by guitarjee:
Albee ~

With all due respect kind lady ~
I was not commenting to your post, or comparing to yours. I merely wanted to give my personal experience and slant to the questions raised by the thread. As with your experiences and gleaned wisdom, which I could not know otherwise, my experiences could not possibly be known to you. Naturally most caring, semi~wise parents try to teach their kids not to be greedy or spoiled, it's generally to the parent's own hazard if they do not. I stated that moderation and balance are important, but that I don't find it necessary to apogize for feeling or being generous with mine at turns either. It is a delicate balance; however, teaching kids the world doesn't owe them, but still delighting in fulfilling their whims as a parent, ie., giving presents from time to time, especially at Christmas, or birthdays, is not I think excessive. Luckily, none of my kids have ever been especially concerned with name brands overall, in that, I know I have been fairly fortunate, perhaps some parents do have more of an issue there. There are many different angles, reasons parents as individuals might view commercialism and marketing ploys differently and that's why I also stated, "everybody's different, every situation's different too, God bless." I don't deem to know how other parents should handle their children in every given situation, I just make no apologies for doing what I do with mine, knowing I'm at peace with my discipleship of my children, as it were, despite the fact that I've faced undue criticism through the years, and again, of which you would not know, I understand that. Either way, I've stood up to my critics many times, and have just as often stood up for others too, whether regarding a religious beliefs, a general choice that should be theirs to make, or just their general choices as parents, which given a parents of sound mind & goodly disposition to their children, that should be fairly sacrosanct. I don't know one parent who knows the perfect choice for every other parent.
But let me say Albee, and I've read enough of your thoughts to say this, I would guess any child of yours to be a fortunate recipient of many good things from you, including the benefit of your wisdom as a parent. I intuit you're very sound in your reasoning and hardly beset with uppity, enviousness or overly judgmental from what I do know of you. And I could hardly judge you for being as opinionated as I know I can be, now could I? And I may not long to see squabbles of the kind that the other forum is often notable for; however, it would be boring if everyone was of the same exact mindset on all subjects here, quite intolerable actually. So, unless I address you, don't take anything personally. Trust moi, you'll know if I do actually take unction at some junction, lol.